Working Late Isn’t Leadership. It’s You Avoiding the Real Work.
You’re Not Leading. You’re Just... Avoiding.
Let’s start with a little nugget of truth:
If you’re still working nights and weekends, you’re not leading, you’re spiraling. You’re not modeling excellence. You’re modeling dysfunction wrapped in martyrdom. (And to you “but what about” folx out there reading this, I KNOW, sometimes we have to for a board meeting or a bork bork or an insert other reason here. I’m just saying generally, you shouldn’t be working nights and weekends as a habit.)
And hey, I say all of this with love, because I’ve been there. But we don’t get to call it leadership if we’re clinging to tasky, busy, operational work like it’s a bankie (baby speak for blanket).
Real leadership? That requires an identity evolution you likely didn’t get a manual for. Because the second you step into a C-suite role, your sources of purpose, mastery, and autonomy (thanks Daniel Pink) change and nobody tells you how weird that’s gonna feel.
Let’s Talk Symptoms: “But I’m Just Being Supportive!”
1. Why might you really be sending that midnight email?
| The Behavior | The Real Reason |
|---|---|
| Still working at 11:59 PM | You haven’t restructured your identity post-promotion. You’re still clinging to “doing” because it’s what you know. |
| Sending long “brain dump” messages | You don’t trust yourself to hold it until morning. Translation: your systems aren’t holding you, so your team has to. |
| “Just catching up!” after hours | You feel guilty that you can’t “prove” your value in strategic ways, so you default to visible busyness. |
| Responding instantly to emails at all hours | You’re addicted to urgency. It makes you feel important and irreplaceable. |
| Binge-working when the house is quiet | You’re not carving out reflective time during your day, so you grasp at silence wherever you can find it. Or worse, you ARE carving that time out and then overlaying meeting after meeting because that time is “optional.” |
| Looping people in after hours | You don’t have a process for closing your day so your anxiety drives action instead of clarity. And now you’re looping others in on it! |
| Working in isolation instead of looping others in during work hours | You don’t want to appear like you’re behind, so you compensate with late-night “productivity” instead of transparency. |
| Keeping your workload hidden until it spills over | You were never taught to model boundaries, so you break yours quietly and perform health publicly. |
| Avoiding something strategic that’s scarier than your inbox | That vision doc? That big decision? That culture shift? Midnight email = emotional procrastination. |
2. Or perhaps you’re more of a “I need to be in all these meetings because…”
| The Behavior | The Real Reason |
|---|---|
| Showing up “just to listen” | You don’t know how to be informed without being involved. |
| Popping in but not contributing | You’re trying to signal support but it’s reading as surveillance. |
| Feeling FOMO if you’re not in the loop | You still define leadership as knowing everything, not empowering everyone. |
| Attending to keep things “on track” | You haven’t built a culture of trust nor clear enough systems, so you keep showing up as the insurance policy. |
| Your calendar is back-to-back with meetings that don’t require you | You haven’t said no because deep down, you’re afraid that if you’re not needed in the weeds, you might not be needed at all. |
| You feel guilty saying no | Your self-worth is tangled up in being accessible. And you’re modeling that martyrdom as a value. |
| No process to decide which meetings matter | You haven’t defined your leadership altitude so you’re defaulting to “attend everything just in case.” |
| Avoiding the big work (vision, strategy, restructuring) | Back-to-back meetings feel like momentum and protect you from facing the discomfort of real leadership work. |
| Micromanagement in a nicer outfit | You’re calling it “support,” but if someone tracked how often you chime in, it’d sound a lot more like control. |
3. And last but not least, my personal favorite, “I need to fix all this!”
| The Behavior | The Real Reason |
|---|---|
| Editing their work “just a bit” before sending it out | You don’t trust that “good enough” can still be powerful and your perfectionism is robbing their learning. |
| Swooping in when someone struggles instead of asking what they’ve tried | You’re uncomfortable watching others wrestle because you haven’t built your own tolerance for growth discomfort. |
| Fixing instead of asking questions | Coaching feels slower than correcting, and you’re still mistaking speed for value. |
| Being the safety net instead of the springboard | You like being the one who “saves the day” — but that’s ego, not leadership. |
| Rework things because you want to “set the tone” | You haven’t defined expectations clearly so now you’re performing quality through control. |
| You call it “support” but don’t let them try and fail | Your self-worth is wrapped up in the product, not the process. And the process from your strategic position is developing their skills. |
| You’ve always been the expert. Letting go of that identity feels like a loss. | You haven’t redefined what your mastery looks like now that your job is to grow theirs. |
The Ripple Effect: You Think You’re Inspiring. You’re Actually Blocking Growth.
| Impact Area | What Happens |
|---|---|
| Morale | Everyone’s tired, scared to rest, and starting to check out. |
| Trust | You say “I trust you,” then re-do their work or show up to all the meetings and tell everyone what to do. Mixed signals. |
| Innovation | No one’s thinking big because you’re too busy doing small. |
| Culture | Overwhelm becomes a status symbol. Quiet quitting becomes protection. |
| Retention | People leave when they’re stuck or when they realize they’re not growing. |
Why You’re Really Doing This (And Don’t Come for Me, You Asked!)
Your identity used to be in your doing. Now it needs to be in your presence.
You haven’t redefined mastery. Hint: it’s now about growing others, not just delivering results.
You still confuse urgency with importance. Firefighting feels productive. It’s just addictive and symptomatic of broken systems and broken trust.
You’re lonely. And the inbox feels familiar.
You feel guilty for not knowing how to lead from above. So, you lead from the middle and it’s costing everyone.
The EQ Reframe:
Your job is no longer to be the best at the thing. It’s to build the people, design the system, and get the hell out of the way.
You want mastery? Learn how to coach (see next section). You want autonomy? Learn how to delegate and mean it. You want purpose? It’s not in your inbox. It’s in what you leave behind when you don’t have to be in the room anymore.
"Coaching" vs. COACHING
Let’s be real: there’s a difference between "coaching" (air quotes fully intended) and COACHING.
“Coaching” looks like:
Asking a question you already know the answer to
Calling it growth when it’s really just gentle correction
Giving someone three options, all of which are your idea
Saying “What do you think?” and then doing what you think anyway
COACHING looks like:
Holding space long enough for someone else to arrive at clarity
Asking questions that you don’t know the answer to
Being okay if their solution isn’t your preferred one
Letting someone grow into their own power even if it’s messy
“Coaching” still centers you.
COACHING builds them.
And if you’re clinging to the first one because it’s safer or faster or easier to control? That’s not leadership. That’s ego with a halo.
Pop Quiz: Are You Still a Doer in Disguise?
Mark each one that hits:
- ☐ I check and reply to emails well after 6 p.m. and on the weekends.
- ☐ I still do hands-on work I could delegate “because it’s faster.”
- ☐ I feel weird when I’m not “busy,” like I’m failing.
- ☐ I’ve said, “I trust my team” and then fixed something they turned in.
- ☐ My calendar has zero white space for thinking, or I block space for it but don’t honor it.
- ☐ I don’t know who I am at work if I’m not involved in everything (or know every detail).
0–2 checks: You’re leading. Keep it up, coach.
3–4 checks: We need to talk. You’re straddling the line.
5–6 checks: You’re still managing like you’re entry-level. It’s time to evolve.
So What? Now What? Real Shifts for Real Leaders
1. Refocus what Mastery means to you now
It’s not about knowing the most. It’s about asking the best questions. Build reflection into your 1:1s. Coach, don’t fix (and definitely don’t “coach”).
2. Upgrade your definition of Autonomy
You’re not autonomous when you do it all. You’re autonomous when you trust your system and let go.
3. Reconnect with Purpose. The Real One
Your purpose isn’t to perform. It’s to shape something that lasts beyond you.
4. Time audit like you mean it
Track your week. Label every block: operational doing, strategic doing, operational mindset, strategic mindset. Then adjust like the bad ass grown-up you are.
5. SAY IT OUT LOUD
Model boundaries. Normalize saying “I don’t need to be in that.” Let your team hear you choosing trust.
Final Word:
You’re not bad at leading. You’re just still addicted to doing.
And that makes sense. But now? It’s time to lead like the future depends on it. Because it does.
Need support building systems that empower instead of exhaust? Need help learning how to let go of “coaching” and embrace being a COACH? Need to rewrite your job description to match the leader you actually want to be (and that everyone needs)? Let’s go. Your growth is waiting.